I'm close to having a mental breakdown,I need help!?

I have always dealt with insecurity,each year it gets worst. I have always been bullied from elementary to the end o middle school and little bit in 9th grade,have I always asked myself why did I have to be bullied?why me!? ,I've been hared,teased,humiliated. Now everywhere I go I always have feel people around me are talking about me, I even fear walking in front of large crowds of people. I worry almost everyday I've become angry,sad and insecure.I could never tell anyone about my bullying because I was embarred ,my parents would react badly my mom and dad would get mad at me for not defending myself but it's hard when it 1 against 5 or more.now I'm 18 yes old and I go to the community college across my high school because no college would accept my 2.0 gpa,so I'm stuck there I wanted nyu but it Didn't happen. I'm going to be 19 in a week,and I feel like not much has changed. I never had a girlfriend,I have only have a few friends but not all of them no each other and all have their own friends there all almost friend-aqquantinces(kinda hard to explain). I can never hangout with them cuz there all different schools,work or busy.I'm going to a point where I'm gonna forget them cuz I need a group of friends that can hangout with me when I want to.the only when I can depend on is my best friend and she's a girl but insecurities always bring down her day so I'll think I'll keep things to myself for now. Im not good at sports,singing,dancing,math or anything,I feel like a talentless loser. I also feel like I'm not emotionally ready for college I admit I was In better mood i would done better in school.I'm not ready to grow up, I wanna pursue career but I feel like there so much I haven't experienced to move on with that,things are going way to fast, sometimes I question whether I had a good childhood or was being bullied all of it. I don't wanna remember for the test of my life what A loser I was. I was can redo my life but that will never happen,I missed out so much in high school even if everyone where ,I wish I didn't things differently.please don't tell me to think positive and move on or stop whining. It's hard to think positive when theres much insecurities I worry about me and my looks,especially my height and babyface I look a 14 year old in college.I want to be tall good looking in fit I want a perfect life a perfect me. I fee Like I need some time away to find myself maybe that's what i need then what about college?what do I do? What do I do?I'm loosing it so much that I'm even thinking about getting psychiatric help.plzz help what do I do? I wanna move on with my life I want to enjoy it.I try do hard to push the bad memmories and worries but they always get in my head it's just to much to just push it all away,think positive,smile and start fresh again,it's not always that easy because if it was I wouldn't be posting this.please someone help.what do I do???